Dear Soulchild,
I wanted to reach out to you but I can't. I wanted to comfort you and ease your burdens but I know, I won't be enough. I wanted to share my life lessons with you but it won't suffice. I wanted to be a mother to you, but I am not.
Instead, let me share with you the wisdom of someone more credible than my own life account. Someone who has raised 5 kids, saw them through their triumphs and failures. Stayed loyal to them no matter how many times these ungrateful kids turned their backs on her. Someone who stuck by her husband's side no matter how rough the road gets. Someone who cried and bore other's burdens silently without complaint... This someone is my own MOM.
As you know, my mom and I have a love-hate relationship. I am the eldest, while she suffers from middle-child syndrome (sorry Ma, but it's true). She came from a well-off family and never knew hardship until she and my Papa had their first child, Me. Up until she was about 30 years old, she was kept busy by work and had no time to bond with her kids. I was still in high school then when I asked her, "Ma, why aren't we best friends like my friends and their moms?"
Maybe it struck her that time why is it not like that, I am the only girl so it is but natural for her and me to be best friends right? But that was not the case then. So she quit her job and became a full-time mom to us. We bonded more but we fought a lot too. You see, my parents raised me to be opinionated and headstrong. They also taught me to be independent and to follow my dreams or whatever my heart desired. This kind of parenting has done me some good but the downside is, more often than not, I cross the line.
It has always been a shock to my relatives when they witness how I speak to my own mother. My mother and I talk adult-to-adult most of the time. When I cross the line, I send my mom to tears (because of what I said and how I say it). She would say to me, in between tears, "masyado ka na kasing matalino". Then we would not talk for a few hours, but after that, she is always ready to forgive.
That's her first lesson - humility. A mother's love is unconditional, and it is also humble. It does not matter who was wrong, my mother is always ready to forgive. This taught me to admit my mistakes and ask for forgiveness because I know someone will forgive me, just like my mom.
While growing up, I get compared a lot to my cousins, in school or pretty much with anyone who is prettier, smarter, richer and more popular. I grew up with a lot of insecurities. My dad even bought me a book for personality development (it was that bad!) I was introverted (still am, I guess) and I always felt second-rate and inadequate.
But my mom, the stage-mother that she is, dragged me to all school contests in elementary, fought with my elementary and high school teachers and prayed to all gods, for me to attend UP in college. You see, my dad was a simple man, he wants a simple life while my mom was very ambitious. All she did not attain in her young life, she wanted me to have, whatever it takes.
Gradually, the mediocre me, slowly gained confidence. I started to have an ambition, then I started to aim higher until the desire brought forth perseverance in me.
The second lesson my mom taught me - perseverance. Strive for what you believe in, reach for those dreams, persevere until that dream becomes reality. Stand firm on your ground, be firm in what you believe in and do not let others compare you to another. We are all different and we strive and persevere to make a mark in this world. If we concentrate on our goal, distractions such as poverty, competition, weaknesses - these things, they will not matter anymore.
My mom told me before when I thought I will not be able to continue my college degree, "it's ok, what's important is that you are still striving, even when you do not have the resources, you are still able to rise above this difficult situation."
Lastly, my mother taught me to accept the things I cannot change. It is easier that way. What I can change is myself and the way I perceive the situation.
When my parents were still totally against my life partner, and it was still that chaotic you-and-me-against-the-world phase, my mom almost disowned me. But because of the first two lessons, humility and perseverance, my dad, my mom and I were able to accept things as they are and they have changed the way they perceive the situation and your dad. Thankfully, I guess now, they accept him and his plight more and I am thankful to them for their acceptance and support no matter what.
These three lessons, humility, perseverance and acceptance are my guidelines in life. I know you are going through a lot right now and I know you are smart enough to make your own decisions at this point. But for when you feel like you are on the verge of giving up, I share with you these lessons to help you just as much as they helped me.
I may not be a mom to you, but I believe that I have the best mother there is. And just as she thinks that she has the best daughter, know and believe that in your dad's eyes and mine, you and your sister are still the best daughters anyone could have.
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