RIP Biggie, Draggie and Ampy, Goodbye Motherhood

I figured it isn’t time yet to write about this but the pain is just so fresh and overwhelming that I need to let it out. Yesterday, due to my carelessness and neglect, 3 of my precious turtles died. I left them under the sun the whole day without water because I planned to change their tub but forgot about it. 

I got weak-knee when Hon told me about it on the phone and I cried on my office table as soon as the news sunk in. March was a month of many goodbyes for me but nothing compared to the sadness I felt when my turtles died. I admit it was all my fault, and there is no excuse for my neglect. I totally took my turtles for granted when I had Baldo and Sandy that is why they died. I am more affected by my turtles’ demise than saying goodbye to colleagues or to people because turtles or pets in general, are such helpless beings like babies. This tragedy hurts me much more because it only meant that I am not or will I ever be ready for parenthood.

Along with my turtles, died the hope that I will ever be a good mother. Now I know how it feels like to lose a pet. Gone are the days when these turtles go crazy during feeding time. Biggie was even Hon’s favorite as she responds to his call. I miss them so much. Pets are the only source of joy for me while I live away from home aside from Hon, and because of me, they died, just. like. that.

I don’t know how I will be able to go back to normal after this but this is definitely a lesson for me and I need to work on my parental instinct more.  Please say a little prayer for my turtles and may we take care of our pets better and may we learn to avoid trivializing all living things and taking them for granted, no matter how small they are.